My Happiness and Depression

I received two orders today. I am usually happy and energized whenever I received orders like this, but these orders can not lift up my spirit. I just feel depress and I just want to get out of the situation where me and my family are in right now, but I dont know how. I can only cross my fingers that God will help us get out of this situation.

I can remember when I was in the Philippines alone and have noone beside me. All my friends are married and have their own family or they were gone abroad. I felt so alone and I just can't find a man whom I feel I can be with, for the rest of my life. The man who I want to be with for the rest of my life (my husband) was so far, and we are having so much problems with our relationships at that time.

I think I have about 4 bank accounts at that time because I don't want to stuck all my saving in just one bank. I can buy anything I want. I was suppose to be happy at that time, but I was asking myself "Why am I NOT happy?"... Something is missing that money can never buy.

Then I realized that I was not getting any younger. I went to church one day with full of tears and ask God for true happines; that he can take all the material things I have just to find the happiness that I have been looking for.

It didn't take long when the man that I only want to be with came back from Saudi Arabia to marry me despite of all the challenges that our relationships have faced. We almost didn't make it but still we are here very strong fighting for our life together in this cold country.

My wealth starts to fade soon as I got pregnant with my twins. Worries didn't bother me because I found the ultimate happiness of life on Earth. My money continue to pour out of my hands. Like a pipe with a leak, the hole gets bigger as my happiness grow as a mother and a happy wife. I just prayed for one thing to God, save some for my kids.

I used the remaining money to migrate in Canada and start a new life. I may not have the kind of life that I used to have back in the Philippines but I am happy. The challenges that I faced as a new immigrant of this country made me a stronger person. My weakness as what they called me and my siblings as "Young Millionaires" in the Phillpines, fades as my soft hands transform into a hand of a hard working housewife.

There was a time that I forgot to call for God's name because of my desire to have the material things that I used to have by working double time. My dreams are staring to come true. House, car, travel, clothes ect. My relationship with my husband suffer as we both work so hard to have all these things. We thought it was the end. But it was just a calling from God to bring us together and become a stronger couple.

Everytime we can find a way to have extra money, or save extra money to start something big, it will always end up like a Pipe where leak will come and go. Leak will always come to put as back where we shoud belong. Our money will grow but there will always be a situation that a part of what we have saved will have to parted. I sometimes feel, this is the life that God want us to have. A simple but happy life.

Right now, I just feel so uninspired but very thankful for the orders that are coming in. I never wish for another Millions that I once have because everytime I can feel a door is opening for wealth, part of my true happiness suffers.

I just need to start a business so I can work at home and concentrate in making this happiness stay and even grow for the rest of my life. I want to get out of my full-time job but right now it is impossible.